There is a cost. You will lose friends. You will be misunderstood. You will be maligned. And you will count the cost.
I remember when I first came out to the local kink community. I was attending a couple of munches, enjoying the conversation and meeting some new people. Within a short amount of time, I had a couple of the ‘leaders’ pull me aside and advise me it was better not to mention to others that I was Gorean. I smiled politely and told them “To go fuck themselves”. Needless to say, I was not impressed and I believe that they will never be counted as friends. In fact, they have gone out of the way to warn and caution anyone who will listen. There were very few Goreans around locally, and much of the animosity and rumours about Goreans is based on ignorance and just plain jealousy.
I came across a quote a few years ago and it spoke volumes how and what I believe –
“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else – means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight.” — E.E. Cummings
Goreans believe and do practice slavery. Goreans believe and do practice protocols and rituals. Goreans believe and do stand up for what they believe in, regardless how unpopular and politically incorrect it may seem. Goreans believe and do practice their lifestyle openly, unashamed and without reservation. Some kinky people cannot handle that.
Society in general does not have an issue with who are how we are in public. As well, we have never had an incident with the general population. But, there have been several times when someone from the kink community took issue with how and what we believe and practiced. These are usually the same people that speak about “Your kink is not my kink, but it is okay….” bullshit. Obviously not the case when it comes to Goreans.
Besides having some local leaders frown on Goreans showing up at kinky events, slaves wearing Collars, serving drinks, using protocols, standing out in a crowd, and generally keeping to themselves; there have been many other incidences of kinky people taking offence who and what we are.
There have been many times when one of my girls would ask permission to leave and go to the bathroom while at a party we were attending.. Some feminist would have to go out of their way to accost her to tell her she is being treated like a doormat, and obviously in an abusive relationship because she was a slave. All because she serves drinks, call me Master and follows the protocols and rituals we have structure into our dynamic.
I remember another time attending a munch in Hamilton. My girls have always worn their Collars for years at this munch. We invited another couple from our Leather Family to attend with us. Halfway through the munch, I had to leave for awhile to look after some personal business. Immediately after I left, a kinky person complained to one of the hosts about the girls wearing their Collars. The host of the munch embarrassingly came over and told my guest to remove her Collar, while not saying anything to dee about her Collar. Needless to say, we have not been back to that munch since.
I remember a few years ago encouraging dee to attend a support group for slaves. It was called The Triple ‘S’ group. Made up of slaves, submissives and switches. The woman running it was a feminist, and did not appreciate what dee and another slavel that attended believed and enjoyed. For several months there was only the three of them attending. After awhile, the discussion always centred around the fact that obviously all slaves are in abusive relationships, and that what they were doing was illegal and unhealthy. This from a support group that was suppose to focus on discussion and support for slaves. Both girls stopped going, and the group folded.
We have watched on numerous occasions people being pulled aside by leaders and concerned gossipers and warned “about those fucking Goreans!” The rumours are quite ridiculous. Everything from killing kittens, to people dying, to being abusive and not following the rules. None of it is true; but people love to run with the titillating stories and gossip.
Everyone knows who we are. Most people we have never actually met, but they all seem to know who we are. When attending an event, we usually stay to ourselves and create our own party. We will lock up a corner or a large table. People leave us alone, (which I like personally). Whenever we play publically, everyone is always watching with hawk eyes to see if we will do anything wrong. The plus side – I am an exhibitionist, play very differently than most, so the more eyes watching the merrier.
We have made several close friendships with people that first attended an event we were not at. While discussing an interest in Master/slave dynamics, or anything related to Gor; with others; they were warned about me and not to approach me. Of course, they did approach and we formed close friendships. This continues to be a regular occurrence. We have also lost people that may have been considered friends due to peer pressure. Obviously they were not real friends, so appreciate that they showed their true colours and saved a lot of time and energy not investing in their lives. Loyality is very important to me.
The kink community will never understand or embrace Gor. It is considered too radical and extreme in its practices and philosophy. In reality, it is very simple and straightforward. There is a small handful of Goreans in southern Ontario, but people know who we are from Windsor to Ottawa (and beyond…).. Goreans stand out, are sure of themselves and really don’t give a fuck what others think of them. People cannot handle that…..
There is a cost to be Gorean. But it is more than worth it……….